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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25587529">I Wake With You in Mind but I'm Tired</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillhuman/pseuds/yeonxbin'>yeonxbin (stillhuman)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Version of Me [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Break Up, Break Up Talk, Choi Soobin-Centric, M/M, Mentioned Choi Beomgyu, Mentioned Huening Kai, Mentioned Kang Taehyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:20:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25587529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillhuman/pseuds/yeonxbin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>Part 2!! This will be chaptered because I think it may be a bit longer than part 1 and I really wanted to get this out for you guys. I'll update the summary &amp; the tags as I add the rest of the fic.</p><p>Oh, if you haven't, I suggest reading part one of this series.</p><p>Title from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGnEiAqFIU4">Version of Me by Kimbra</a>.</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin &amp; Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Version of Me [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Wake With You in Mind but I'm Tired</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Part 2!! This will be chaptered because I think it may be a bit longer than part 1 and I really wanted to get this out for you guys. I'll update the summary &amp; the tags as I add the rest of the fic.</p><p>Oh, if you haven't, I suggest reading part one of this series.</p><p>Title from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGnEiAqFIU4">Version of Me by Kimbra</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their relationship started off sickeningly sweet. Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai could attest to that. Soobin and Yeonjun were inseparable and infuriatingly clingy, and so obviously in love. To the other boys, it looked like their honeymoon phase would never end.</p><p>Over time, Yeonjun and Soobin began to relax with their constant PDA. They go from SoobinandYeonjun to Soobin and Yeonjun, as they fall into the comfort of their progressing relationship.</p><p>As their relationship went on and their honeymoon phase ended, the boy’s dynamic within the relationship started to shift. Yeonjun had become too comfortable in his bubble with Soobin. His dependence on the younger slowly morphing him into an overbearing, selfish mess.</p><p>Soobin had noticed Yeonjun’s unwillingness to be independent on his own, choosing to take charge of their relationship instead of his own life. Though that may sound harsh, it was starting to become painfully obvious that Yeonjun could barely function if Soobin wasn’t by his side. When the boy was, the world revolved around Yeonjun. Soobin, the one in Yeonjun’s gravitational pull, on the edge of being worn out.</p><p>After many one-sided conversations with Yeonjun about how the latter should start to depend less on Soobin and take control of his own life, Soobin understandably started to grow tired. Yeonjun couldn’t understand that being independent does not mean being controlling. His failure to realize this left Soobin tired of being the caretaker and never cared for. Tired of letting himself be pushed around and tired of constantly giving.</p><p>Soobin knew he loved his boyfriend. There was no doubt in his mind about it. He loved Yeonjun’s laugh, the way his eyes and nose crinkled when he smiles. He loved (and sometimes envied) Yeonjun’s confidence. The way he can catch an entire room's attention just by walking in, self-confidence radiating off of him. He loved how Yeonjun’s hugs made him feel at home. He loved how, despite Yeonjun’s confidence, easy it was to make him blush.  </p><p>It’s when Soobin finds himself sat in front of a sheet of paper, pen in hand, ready to list the pros and cons of staying in a relationship with Yeonjun that he realizes how ridiculous all of this has gotten. He decides that if this is how desperate he has become to hold on to their relationship, then maybe it was time for him to just let go.</p><p>It’s late in the evening and he’s out of breath, bent over in front of Yeonjun’s door, trying to recover from his brisk 4-block walk. When he finally catches his breath, he knocks on the door and waits for Yeonjun to open it, mentally preparing himself for what he’s about to do.</p><p>The door opens and Yeonjun’s standing there in a baggy hoody and an old pair of boxers, hair messier than usual, a small smile on his face because he hadn’t expected Soobin to come by. But Soobin hasn’t moved to come inside yet, motionless as he stares at Yeonjun. Then something changes. There's a shift in the air, and Yeonjun is nervous.</p><p>“Are you okay, Soobinie?”</p><p>As if brought out of a trance, Soobin walks past Yeonjun into his apartment, not answering the question. As he’s removing his shoes, he hears the door close, Yeonjun’s footsteps coming towards him, but before Yeonjun could reach Soobin, the latter had turned around and sighed. Yeonjun immediately froze, thrown off by how his boyfriend was acting. Soobin noticed and offered a small smile to the other as if to try and make him feel better.</p><p>Soobin lets out an airy laugh to try and ease the tension he created. He makes his way to the couch and says, “I think we should sit down.”</p><p>Yeonjun’s frowning and as they sit, Soobin can’t bring himself to turn and face him. Instead, focusing on the TV in front of him that’s paused on whatever show Yeonjun had been watching. However, Yeonjun’s turned directly towards Soobin, legs crossed when he asks, “what’s going on?”</p><p>All the mental preparation Soobin had done on his walk over and again in front of Yeonjun’s door had been for nothing. Because now Soobin was at a loss for words, not knowing how to start the conversation. All of a sudden, his mouth is moving before his brain can process what he’s actually saying and the words “I think we should break up” are heard in the quiet apartment.</p><p>Yeonjun’s mouth is wide open, shocked at the confession. In one swift movement, Yeonjun is directly in front of Soobin, knees knocking as he sits on the end of the coffee table in front of him, forcing Soobin to make eye contact. Before Soobin knows it, Yeonjun is yelling. And then he’s crying. Seeing Yeonjun crying, confusion written all over his face makes Soobin cry. He feels sorry for Yeonjun because the elder really couldn’t piece together why Soobin wanted to break up.</p><p>Wanting to explain himself and also stop Yeonjun from yelling, Soobin interrupts the elder with a dramatic sigh. Yeonjun stops mid-sentence, piercing eyes staring directly into Soobins.</p><p>As he’s explaining where he’s coming from, detailing his reasons for wanting to break up, Soobin could tell Yeonjun was starting to get overwhelmed. At some point, while he was confessing to Yeonjun, he had seen the elder’s expression change. Almost as if a switch had been flipped off. Even so, Soobin continued speaking, determined to get everything off his chest. Soobin knew Yeonjun was at least catching some of what he was saying, face scrunching up now and then as if the words falling from Soobin’s lips were physically hurting him.</p><p>Soobin had finished speaking and without missing a beat, Yeonjun began bawling. Now the elder was desperately trying to make things right as he begs Soobin again and again to forgive him. Desperate for Soobin to give him the chance to do better.</p><p>However, Soobin was just <em>so</em> <em>tired</em>. He did not expect the breakup to be easy, but he also didn’t anticipate how exhausting it would be.</p><p>Soobin decided he was done. He cleared his throat, getting Yeonjun to pause for a moment, taking the elder's hands in his own before explaining the countless times Soobin had come to Yeonjun about how unfair the give and take in their relationship was.</p><p>Soobin took a moment to watch the realization wash over Yeonjun’s face. Conversations playing in his mind like a movie reel.</p><p>As Yeonjun makes eye contact with him again, Soobin continues. “Each conversation was another chance for you. I don’t think I can give anymore, Yeonjun.” Suddenly, a weight is lifted off his shoulders. He lets go of Yeonjun’s hands, running a nervous hand through his hair as he figures out what to say next.</p><p>Soobin watches the tears fall from Yeonjun’s face as he finalizes the end of their relationship. His head is down as he listens to Soobin define the terms of their breakup.</p><p>Soobin hears a choked “ok” come from the man in front of him and relaxes a bit.</p><p>He doesn’t know how long they sat there; a deafening silence blanketed over them. Eventually, Soobin stands up and waits for Yeonjun to follow him before he makes his way to the door.</p><p>A part of him had expected Yeonjun to cry out pleas for him to stay until they worked it out as he was getting ready to leave. Though, when the elder was surprisingly quiet, Soobin couldn’t help but feel almost disappointed. He finished putting on his shoes, hand reaching for the lock on the door, and for some reason, he felt stuck.</p><p>As if, for the second time that night, his brain was working on its own, he suddenly has Yeonjun wrapped in his arms. He rests the side of his head on top of Yeonjuns where his face is hiding in his neck. When he feels Yeonjuns grip around his waist tighten, he starts to cry. He wonders if this is the last time he’ll get to hold Yeonjun.</p><p>What started as silent cries, eventually turned into sobbing. The reality of the situation scaring both of them. Throughout their embrace, all Soobin could wonder was if he was giving up. If he knows he loves the man in his arms, how can he just let go?</p><p>It’s when Yeonjun pulls away and Soobin looks at him for a moment that he remembers. Soobin knows that right now, this is for the best.</p><p>He hadn’t said goodbye when he left. Too afraid of the permanence of the statement. Their silent exchange of last glances giving Soobin the last bit of courage he needed to turn around and walk out the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! Some of you wanted Soobin's perspective ... I hope I did well lol.<br/>Let me know what you guys think :)</p><p>As I said, this part will have another chapter so be on the lookout<br/>umm I think that's it :) </p><p>(my <a href="https://twitter.com/yeonxsoob">twitter</a>!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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